A letter to my dad…

So happy I was able to share one of the days I will never forget with you. Thank you, daddy!

Dad! I was in your neck of the woods this weekend and I can’t say I was totally thrilled about it. I was cool because we celebrated Rev./Dr Leroy’s birthday, but before I could do that Nik and I had to take care of some business to ensure your wishes are executed the way you requested. We appreciate the legal expertise of your FAVORITE attorney! As we already knew, he knows the ins and outs of all things Florida law, he is good people, and he has/continues to take good care of us and the wishes you expressed. I am forever grateful for the relationship I developed with him some years ago, as well as the one you developed with him in your travels to support our beloved Rattlers. After our meeting with him, Nik and I departed for her to go take a nap and for me to go try and handle some additional business while I was in the area. I went to Verizon to finally have your service terminated. That was unsuccessful! I walked out of there pissed about the misinformation provided to me by the company. I thought about it for a while, and concluded maybe it was you and God’s way of telling me that it’s not time. Meh. I was able to stop by the house to do walk through to make sure everything was entact, run some water, run the washer and dryer, and to just look around. Found some down branches in the yard from a previous storm, I am guessing, and put the limbs into Shelley’s garbage. She wasn’t home, so I wasn’t able to speak to her this time around (probably best, because it was too HOT to stand outside and talk like we both know she loves to do). I had not been back to your house since we laid you to rest, thus leaving this time gave me a sense of solace. I was alone, which gave me time to reflect, take some deep breaths and just be in that moment…to take it all in and to let it all out. I am glad God allowed that space and opportunity for me to do so. I ventured to the cemetery to see where you were and to see if you had your headstone. Let me tell you how I ended up in somebody’s processional unintentionally! In my defense, I didn’t know! The folks didn’t have their flashers on! Anyway, I quickly got out of it! I had to text Nik to get your plot information. Raise your hand if you drove through the FL National Cemetery looking like a tourist, holding up traffic and looking lost (ME!).  I figured out the signage eventually, and found you in the back, in the cut! Your section must be newer, because the grass was sparse. The administrators must be waiting for it to fill before they make it look uniform to the rest of the property. I am sure it will be beautiful! I had to take a moment before I went to view your headstone, because just like at your house, this was the first time I could be alone “with you”. Tears poured down my face, but it wasn’t because I was sad for you. I was sad for me. One of my best friends on earth has a new address among a sea of uniformed headstones. No more long conversations or random phone calls about whatever was on out mind in that moment. No more inside jokes or humor that only you and I (and possibly Nik) understood. Random trips where only a select few knew your real location and heart to heart conversations about days like these where you were no longer here physically. I appreciate you for the love you showed me. How you went to the end of the earth and back for your granddaughters, and made my husband feel like he was your son in real life will always be remembered. I was in that cemetery a hot 4.5 minutes before a fly started aggravating me. I swatted, it went away and it came back. I knew it was you telling me, “You had your moment, but it’s time to go now. It’s too hot out here!” I smiled and headed out.

I left home with the invisible weight lifted off of my shoulders. A sense of accomplishment, because Nik and I were able to handle the business of your estate, I got to have my own moment with you in your home and your final, physical resting place. Somebody told me shortly after you passed that I would get over your death. I disagree with that statement. I don’t expect to ever get over your death, instead my hope is that coping becomes a little less hard (less hard makes more sense than easier in my brain right now). I know the hole you once filled in my heart will never be filled, but patched with the presence of the people you loved so much. Rest well my guy! Tell everyone I know and you know hello! Until we meet again.

Love Always,

Kima